Healthy Boundaries in Your Life Change as You Change
Boundary Lines
A healthy life requires healthy boundaries. In order to have a fulfilling life, even your closest relationships need lines of protection to keep everyone feeling secure and respected. But we don’t often hear about how boundary lines can change over time. As you evolve and your relationships deepen, your needs and preferences naturally shift.
The boundaries that served you yesterday might not support the person you are today.
What you can tolerate in your 20s you may find impossible to deal with in your 30s and what you didn’t have patience for in your 30s, you have found grace for in your 40s. Redrawing boundary lines is completely appropriate, and a healthy way to approach your relationships. Envisioning those new boundary lines could be key to ensuring that your relationships remain supportive as you continue to grow.
Write Them/Build Them
Visualizing a better life can help you create that better life. So if you’re drawing boundaries for the first (or redrawing them for the tenth) time, use a pen and paper to actually draw them! Using this simple exercise can help you determine what your current needs are, where you want to see your relationships go, and how to make it all happen.
1. First, jot down a list.
Answer these questions quickly to capture your first responses.
What is making me feel stressed currently?
What causes me to feel dread?
What is life-giving to me?
Are there people in my life that drain me?
Who or what makes me feel supported and safe?
Who or what makes me feel unsafe?
2. Next, draw a large circle on an empty piece of paper and title it “Support & Peace”.
Inside the circle, create a “brain dump” of all the people, activities, and moments that make you feel supported and peaceful. Consider these examples:
Hugging your spouse or children
Reading a good book before bed
Feeling in control of your finances
Enjoying a low-key Saturday
Attending church
Eating a home cooked meal
Evenings out with friends
Having a dependable job
3. Finally, outside of the circle, draw people, activities or moments that make you feel threatened.
Examples may include:
Being asked to take on more responsibilities you don’t enjoy at work/church
Being involved in situations where people gossip
Missing out on fitness routines because of work
Being told how to parent by a family member
Feeling judged by your spouse
Your child talking back to you
What do you see?
Laying eyes on the things that offer you safety, security, and peace versus the things that give you anxiety will help you determine what boundaries you need to set in your life. Who needs to be given less access to your personal life? What position do you need to rethink? What situations do you want to pursue?
Keep your visual close at hand, pray over it, and seek discernment about where you need to change your perspective and where you need to manage boundaries. Repeat every six months or once a year to keep boundary lines fresh and acknowledge how you’ve changed.
Put It Into Practice
When boundaries change, you can feel misunderstood.____
Let’s say you and your sister got into a conflict two years ago. You set up boundaries at the time and worked towards healing in healthy ways. Now, two years later, you may find that your boundary lines have shifted. You feel closer to your sister, having experienced conflict and mended the hurt together. Others may think you are being unwise to lean back into the relationship, but you know what your new boundary lines are, and you can feel sure that if they’re respected, you and your sister can do more life together.
Changing boundary lines usually means change has happened, you’ve learned from the change, and now you’re moving forward.
Other interesting reads about healthy boundaries
Verified reliable sources for this article:
Visualizing Your Boundaries by Dr. Jo Nash via Positive Psychology