Instead of that, try this! 3 tips for better conflict resolution.
Not If, But When
Conflict happens to everyone at some point. Even the most laid back people sometimes get feelings hurt, opinions overlooked, or convictions crossed. Truthfully, whenever people work together, live together, or even play together for any length of time, conflict will occur. Spend one week with the average family to witness a group that intensely loves each other and will occasionally (or perhaps hourly) intensely disagree.
Research has told us that the more intentionally we approach conflict, the more we can nurture and develop positive relationships all around us.
We know conflict is normative and we know it can be handled in healthy ways. In fact, research has told us that the more intentionally we approach the conflict in our workplaces and homes, the more we can nurture and develop positive relationships all around us. So it’s important to understand how to deal with conflict well and allow it work for our relationships instead of against them.
Conflict Roadmaps
We’ve all messed conflict up at times. We’ve blown up, hidden from the issue at hand, or said the wrong thing. But it’s important to understand the methods of unhealthy conflict resolution so we can identify where we often fall in order to make better choices next time we’re faced with an issue. Consider these unhealthy conflict habits and where you might see them at work or at home.
Instead of Conflict Avoidance try Assertiveness
Conflict Avoidance
You’re hurt, you feel frustrated, or you’ve been made aware of some injustice, but you simply feel you cannot engage with the problem. Perhaps you were raised to keep your thoughts to yourself or you’ve experience harm from speaking up in the past. Whatever the reasons, you physically, mentally, and emotionally find yourself unable to deal with the conflict. You change the subject or physically remove yourself from the situation rather than bringing up the issue.
Assertiveness
Humble assertiveness…knowing you may not be seeing the full issue at hand but being willing to speak up for your own convictions, is an incredibly healthy way to deal with conflict. Take a deep breath and know that what you need to say is valuable and will be valued in any healthy relationship. Receiving what the other person has to say while managing your own communication with them can not only help you deal with the topic at hand, but can grow respect between you both and make future conflict far less daunting.
Instead of Blaming try Active Listening
Blaming
Instead of holding any personal responsibility for the problem, you blame the other party for everything that has gone wrong in the situation. You look down on them from a moral high ground that allows them no grace and no chance at redemption. Blaming means heaping guilt and it’s a lose/lose situation at every turn in conflict.
Active Listening
If you often find yourself lecturing the other person during conflict or becoming highly defensive yourself, try saying far less and listening far more. Even when you have productive things to say, remember that you don’t have to say them all. Listening is perhaps the most helpful thing you can do when faced with conflict. Hear out the other person, try to see even one point from their perspective, and see how it softens your heart or helps you feel compassion. This is an important life skill, and can even be useful when engaging with people who have opposing political views, or a different worldview than you.
Instead of Insults try Regluation
Insults
When you find yourself unable to manage your feelings during conflict, you may stoop to hurling insults or becoming volatile with the other party. This is no way to engage, and won’t bring a productive outcome for anyone. In fact, the other person has every right to remove themselves from the situation. Stop before you start.
Regulation
It may feel impossible if your go-to reaction is a full blown emotional meltdown, but try to calm yourself down by deep breathing or square breathing. Practice self-awareness by discovering how you may be coming across in your anger. Temper your expectations of the conflict by understanding the other party will have valid points to make. And listen, listen, listen. Building your emotional intelligence is key to healthy conflict resolution.
If you find yourself in constant conflict, it may be time to do some self-evaluating. A counselor can help you become curious about why resolution is hard and peace feels impossible. Remember, there’s always hope and it’s never too late for healing.
Put It Into Practice
Is it hard to see the benefit of proper conflict resolution?____
Sometimes the only point seems to be winning an argument, regardless of how it’s done. Let your imagination create a new narrative for your relationship if the conflict is managed well.
How would healthy conflict resolution affect the future relationship? Will you keep your job? Preserve the friendship? Feel that you did the best you could do even if the relationship cannot be saved?
Will you experience a renewed commitment to the relationship? Oftentimes, when we can walk through difficulty together and still preserve the relationship, we come out stronger.
Will you gain a new perspective? Allowing yourself to see the issue from another mindset will not only grow your compassion but can help you see things in a new way the next time conflict arises.
Other Interesting Reads about Navigating Conflict in Your Life
Verified Reliable Sources for the Content in This Article:
Why is Conflict Resolution Important? by Jacob Imm, North Central College