Can’t put down your phone? You’re not alone. But, does it matter?

August 13, 2024 Casey Sigler

Dialing In or Dialing Up

Since the 1960s, researchers have been learning and documenting all they can about Attachment Theory. The way we bond with our parents and caregivers, the first emotions we feel, the innate sense of security or insecurity we perceive as infants…it all adds up to how we function in the world, relate to other people, and live out our days as professionals, parents, spouses, children, and friends.

Ironically, as scientists began to observe and define the principles of Attachment Theory, the advent of the internet was being realized. In the 1960s, government agencies began using simple internet-based programs to share information with each other and whether we fully understood the consequences of those communications or not, the fabric of our daily lives would soon be drastically changed.

60 years later and we’re knee deep in multiple generations that wrestle constantly between the natural attachments of their family and peers and the artificial attachments offered by internet access and cellular devices. The allure of the internet is tempting us away from genuine human connection, and we need to recognize the ways it’s threatening our ability to form bonds with others. From infancy, some children experience an attachment to a screen. Even for adults who lived the majority of their lives before the technology of the smartphone, an addiction to the internet can take only months to develop.

So how do we see our dysfunctional attachments for what they are and move forward?

The Download

Perhaps the most important piece of information about internet addiction and disorganized attachment styles is that they are linked. If you have a kiddo in your life, now’s the time to take a good hard look at how screens are used in your home, how easy it is to access social media platforms, YouTube, and search engines, and how much daily time your child is spending in a virtual expanse that isn’t real life, with real friends. The risk of the internet is not limited to the devastation that results from pornography or online bullying; it’s the full realization that virtual life can be all consuming.

If you suspect you or someone you love has an addiction to the internet, ask yourself a few questions.

Do I (or they) spend more time on the internet than I initially intend to?
Do I find others trying to get me off my phone?
Do I open my phone in moments of fleeting boredom?
Do I feel lost without my device?
Do I go to my phone or laptop when I need a “pick me up” or a sense of comfort?

Re-coding Ourselves

“The allure of the internet is tempting us away from genuine human connection, and we need to recognize the ways it’s threatening our ability to form bonds with others.”

Just as with any addiction, for someone struggling with an internet dependency, logging onto their favorite shopping site, pulling up their social media platforms, or starting a new video game provides a rush of endorphins. Whether it feels like an actual high or not, opening their phone or their browser gives them something that makes them want more…an attachment they believe is being fully fulfilled online. It not only offers a distraction, but a sense of belonging and something to look forward to.

Realizing you are addicted to the internet can be as easy as realizing you can’t quite function or find joy without it. Pulling yourself away from the screen and reattaching yourself to the real world, your real family, and your actual life will take re-coding the way you live your day to day. The good news is, it’s completely possible. Relearn some habits.

Limit the amount of minutes you spend on the most tempting websites and platforms.
Give yourself at least a half hour in the morning before you reach for your cell phone. Put it down a half hour before bed.
Keep a book, journal, coloring book, or a puzzle nearby for the moments you feel bored. Better yet, go on a quick walk.
Keep your device far from the dining room table. Resist the urge to multitask when human connection is available through in-person conversation!
Adhere to a “1 screen at a time” rule. No scrolling while you’re watching a show or movie with a loved one.

It may take time and a ton of intentionality to wean a kid off of an internet addiction or reroute your own bad habits when it comes to screens. But if we’ve learned anything, it’s that healthy attachment matters throughout your whole life. Don’t waste one more minute before you start a new path towards healing.

If you’re finding it hard to form genuine connections with people in your life, get in touch with us. We’ll be excited to help you reclaim that!

Put It Into Practice

If limiting your time online is too difficult to do alone, there’s an app for that!

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ClearSpace offers a free subscription to limit your time on social media. With breathing techniques and profound quotes blended into the formatting, you’ll feel good about the boundaries you place on yourself and a little stronger in your resolve every time you log on.

Hope & Healing