Curiosity Killed The… Conflict?
We all know the old adage…
“Curiosity killed the cat.” And curiosity can certainly lure us into sticky situations that we have no business nosing our way into. But curiosity isn’t all bad. In fact, a healthy dose of curiosity during conflict might be just the thing you need to go from stressed and stuck to experiencing relational resolution and harmony again.
Curiosity vs. Certainty
There’s a big difference between curiosity and certainty. Merriam-Webster defines curiosity as a “desire to know” and an “interest leading to inquiry.” Certainty, on the other hand, is defined by as being “the quality or state of being certain especially on the basis of evidence” (with “certain” being defined as “fixed” or “settled”).
It’s clear how the two are opposites. A curious person acknowledges that there is something that he or she doesn’t know. Out of a desire to learn more, someone who is curious leans forward to ask a question. A certain person, on the other hand, has no questions to ask. Feeling that the matter is “fixed” and “settled,” a certain person sits back and states what is already known rather than inquiring to learn more.
During Conflict, Choose Curiosity Over Certainty
It isn’t that curiosity is inherently good and certainty is inherently bad, or vice versa. There are things that we can—and should—be certain about. But how often does conflict arise out of a misunderstanding? Pretty often, right? And how often can we be 100% certain about another person’s thoughts, feelings, desires, and intentions without getting curious and asking them a few questions? Not very often, right? During conflict, it is best to adopt an attitude of curiosity versus certainty. And the research backs this up!
In one academic study, entitled, “How Situational Mindfulness During Conflict Stress Relates to Wellbeing,” curiosity was highlighted as a key component of conflict resolution. The researchers defined curiosity as “maintaining an open, nonjudgmental stance toward unfolding experience.”
The next time you’re at odds with a friend, family member, co-worker, or neighbor, try to adopt this sort of stance. Rather than jumping to conclusions, commit to a posture of non-judgemental curiosity, and see where the conversation leads you.
Verified Reliable Sources for The Content in this Article: How Situational Mindfulness During Conflict Stress Relates to Wellbeing and Merriam-Webster
Put It Into Practice
Give Them A Chance
Instead of being certain that your spouse, friend, or roommate is acting short with you because of something you have done (or not done), give them the chance to speak for themselves. Consider sharing with them that they seem a bit “off” and asking them if everything is okay.
Give Yourself Some Grace
Rather than beating yourself up for getting emotional over something “small,” try giving yourself grace and asking yourself a few questions to get to the bottom of what might be going on (remember—this is a judgment-free zone!).
Invite A Conversation
Instead of doing mental gymnastics to figure out why a friend hasn’t reached out to you as much the past few months, initiate a conversation. It’s easy to come up with a thousand explanations for something that you can’t ever be certain about without taking your curiosity and turning it into a conversation.